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20 Signs Coffee Is Your Life Sustaining Force..

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Max Medina: Do you like coffee?
Lorelai Gilmore: Only with my oxygen.

One of the greatest subcultures to exist, especially on the internet, are the perpetual coffee drinkers. Hipsters have tried to overtake it with Instagrams of obscure coffee shops and hashtags of drinks you’ve never heard of, but nothing a flannel-clad indie musician can do could take away from the experience that is a quality espresso. Coffee is a universal truth. It is your life sustaining force. These are the ways you know that you are 90% coffee and 10% on your way to get another cup. 

1. You saw the headline on this article and knew it would be the most profound thing you read all day (true).

2. You post and reblog photos of mugs of coffee, usually when they’re next to books. Especially when they’re the beautiful espressos with hearts made out of foam.

3. You consider coffee an art form and your cabinet of mugs and thermos could be on display in a museum, not to mention you have different cups for different occasions and moods because it’s a crucial element of the experience.

4. You are genuinely inspired by the Starbucks’ “The Way I See It” paragraph on the back of the hot cups.

5. You have an incredibly specific order that just rolls off your tongue.

6. One of the greatest internal battles you have ever experienced was (or is) whether or not to buy a Keurig. On one hand, they’re fantastic, but on the other… you drink coffee by the pot. Not exactly a financially sound decision to brew by the very tiny, expensive, not eco-friendly cup.

7. You celebrated the most hallowed holiday there is: National Coffee Day.

8. Starbucks is your homeland and you don’t even care that that fact may wane on your coffee-taste-credibility because they were the first and for many of us, the only. Until you go to college and drink Dunkin’ because well, let’s just be honest here.

9. You’re confused by people who turn to drugs to give them hours of uncontrollable stimulation and energy like, have you tried upwards of four cups of coffee?

10. Innovation will mean something to you the day you see a coffee-IV available in drug stores.

11. You are also waiting for the day that Starbucks delivers (or any company really, let’s not get picky here). Because if there’s anything greater than coffee, it would be not having to move to get it.

12. You actually have withdrawal symptoms if you don’t have it for a day which is a bit unnerving but somehow still fills you with pride that you’ve been so dedicated that your body can’t function without it. A lot like true love, right?

13. Creamer choices and styles of brew are not a joke, like this isn’t just an “anything goes” kind of situation.

14. You like your coffee like you like your wine. Cheap and strong. (No? Just me?)

15. Your ideal date is to meet and talk over coffee, because even if you don’t end up liking the person, you still got coffee. Which is probably more fulfilling than a relationship anyway.

16. You know what sexy means, and it’s a Barista with the ingredients to make their shit at home.

17. The things you’d say thank you for in an acceptance speech would be your parent’s support, the motivation your haters give you, God, and coffee. And sometimes you sincerely wonder why people don’t give coffee the credit it deserves. You did not win a Nobel Peace Prize without coffee-fueled-all-night-writing benders, like, come on. Real talk: I’m definitely dedicating my next book to coffee.

18. You don’t care how many times you’ll be made fun of but it’s Pumpkin Spice Latte season and anybody who can’t appreciate that is a sad excuse for a human. And while we’re at it, Mocha Mint is up next and that’s probably your favorite part of the holiday season.

19. If you haven’t at least Tweeted or Instagrammed a photo of your coffee, you have definitely posted something along the lines of “reading in bed with a great cup of coffee #bestday #blessed #coffee #love”

20. There’s only one thing better than coffee, and it’s WiFi, both of which the masterminds of millennial culture have combined to create the ultimate habitat. Of where I am writing this. Right now. TC Mark


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